IVF is often spoken about in medical terms protocols, embryos, transfers, statistics and doesn’t mention the emotional resilience which may be called upon during your IVF journey.
Behind every scan and every blood test is a human heart, carrying the weight of uncertainty, hope, grief, and longing.
Research shows that fertility treatment significantly increases stress, anxiety, and depression, with many women reporting higher emotional distress than in almost any other medical treatment.
That’s why resilience isn’t just a nice idea during IVF. It’s a survival skill. Resilience doesn’t mean forcing positivity or pretending everything is fine. True resilience is about having tools to return to when the rollercoaster feels overwhelming, so you can steady yourself and keep moving forward.
Why I Do This Work
I’m Adele O’Connor, a psychotherapist, clinical hypnotherapist, fertility coach, and podcast host. More importantly, I’ve walked the path of IVF and donor conception myself.
When I was going through treatment, I couldn’t find the emotional support I needed. The medical care was there, but the psychological toll felt invisible. That gap inspired me to retrain and create the kind of support I once longed for. Today, I combine evidence based counselling, hypnotherapy, and mind body practices to help women and families feel steadier, stronger, and more supported.
Clients often describe me as a steady light on a difficult path someone who brings clarity, compassion, and perspective when everything feels overwhelming.
1. Coping with Uncertainty
If there’s one word that defines IVF, it’s uncertainty. Waiting for fertilisation results, embryo grading, or pregnancy tests can feel endless. Research shows uncertainty is one of the biggest drivers of anxiety because the brain craves prediction and control.
Quick tool: Try the 3, 3, 3 grounding rule.
Name 3 things you can see, 3 sounds you can hear, and move 3 parts of your body.
This simple reset pulls your mind out of “what if” and into “what is.”
2. Managing Anxious Thoughts
IVF can amplify the inner critic: What if my body lets me down? What if I never become a parent? Left unchecked, these thoughts spiral.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) shows that writing down anxious thoughts and testing them against evidence helps break the cycle.
Quick tool: Write your thought, list the evidence against it, then create a balanced reframe. For example:
Thought: “If this transfer fails, I’m never going to get pregnant.”
Evidence against: “Many women need more than one transfer before success.”
Reframe: “This is one step, not my whole story.”
3. Reframing Setbacks
A failed cycle or cancelled transfer is devastating. But how you interpret that setback shapes your ability to keep going.
Neuro linguistic Programming (NLP) highlights the power of reframing: changing the meaning you give to an event shifts your emotional response.
Quick tool: Ask yourself: What’s the learning here? How might this experience help me adjust next time? This doesn’t erase grief, but it creates meaning alongside it.
4. Regulating Your Emotions
When the nervous system is on constant high alert, the body suffers. Sleep is disrupted, hormones are affected, and stress compounds.
Mind body practices like EFT tapping and breathwork have been shown to lower cortisol and reduce anxiety.
Quick tool: Place one hand on your heart, one on your stomach. Inhale for 4, hold for 2, exhale for 6. Repeat 5 times. This simple reset calms your body and helps you feel safer in the moment.
5. Self Compassion and Support
Many people in IVF pride themselves on being strong and independent. But isolation often makes the journey harder. Research shows self compassion is linked to lower anxiety and depression, especially during times of high stress.
Quick tool: Notice your self talk. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself. Replace “I’m failing at this” with “This is hard, and I’m doing my best.”
Support also matters. Counselling, peer groups, or even a trusted friend can make the load feel lighter.
Final Thoughts
Resilience during IVF doesn’t mean never crying, never doubting, or always staying upbeat. It means having tools to return to when things feel hard, so you can keep moving forward with steadiness and self compassion.
If you’re attending the Melbourne Fertility Expo on 8 November, come and connect with me.
I’ll be sharing more about how to build your own IVF Resilience Toolkit and offering practical strategies to help you navigate the emotional toll of treatment.
Free Resource: The Emotional Truth of IVF
If this blog resonated with you, I’ve created a free guide: The Emotional Truth of IVF, What nobody tells you about the thoughts and feelings you may face, and how to navigate them with more steadiness and self compassion.
Inside, you’ll find five journal prompts to help you calm your mind, process difficult emotions, and feel more supported. It’s the resource I wish I had during my own IVF journey, and I’d love to share it with you.
Head to my website www.ivfsupportspace.com to get your free download
Meet Dr Sascha Edelstein, Thrive Fertility
Dr Edelstein is a renowned Fertility Specialist at Thrive Fertility, a new fertility clinic in Melbourne. At the Melbourne Fertility Expo, you’ll have the opportunity to meet Dr Edelstein and talk to him about your fertility journey. He will also be speaking on the topic: What really matters when choosing a fertility clinic.
Dr Edelstein, can you tell us about Thrive Fertility?
Thrive Fertility is a new clinic in Melbourne’s north, offering comprehensive and premium fertility care. At Thrive Fertility, we’ve invested in a state-of-the-art lab, but that’s only one piece of the puzzle. Just as important are personalised treatment plans, a team who treat people with compassion, and a transparent approach to costs and outcomes.
What is your mission and your approach to care?
Our mission at Thrive Fertility is simple: To combine science with humanity. The best technology means little if patients don’t feel supported or understood. Every person’s infertility journey is different, so we tailor treatment to the individual. At Thrive Fertility, we also put a huge emphasis on being transparent about treatment options, results, and costs, with the goal to enable our patients to make informed decisions with confidence.
Can you share your personal journey to parenthood?
My wife and I went through our own fertility challenges, so I know how tough and isolating infertility can feel. My infertility experience shaped my vision for Thrive Fertility: To provide a clinic where patients feel seen, supported, and empowered, not just processed. We built Thrive Fertility to provide premium care that encompasses holistic treatment while still being accessible.
Dr Edelstein, what’s one thing you wish more people understood about infertility?
One of the biggest misconceptions is that infertility is always a woman’s issue, when in fact male factors account for around a third of infertility cases. Another misconception is that IVF always works the first time. Unfortunately, the reality is more complex, and IVF outcomes depend on age, egg and sperm quality, and other health factors. Patients often blame themselves unnecessarily, when infertility is rarely anyone’s “fault.”
What are the top things you wish people knew before starting IVF?
IVF isn’t a one-size-fits-all. IVF success depends on many factors, and no two infertility journeys look the same. It’s important to know that results aren’t guaranteed, and it can take time and persistence. What makes the biggest difference is having the right pieces in place: A high-quality lab, a treatment plan tailored to you, a compassionate team to walk beside you, and a clinic that is transparent about results and costs. At Thrive Fertility, we pride ourselves on these fundamental components.
What are you most excited about at the Melbourne Fertility Expo?
I’m excited to connect with people, answer their questions, and hopefully make their fertility journey feel a little less daunting. It’s also a great chance to share what we’re building at Thrive Fertility and to be part of a wider conversation about how fertility care in Australia can keep improving. At Thrive Fertility, we’re here to make advanced fertility care accessible, transparent, and compassionate and we would love to walk your fertility journey with you.
At the Melbourne Fertility Expo, you’re speaking about ‘What really matters when choosing a fertility clinic’. Can you please give us a brief overview of your presentation?
Many people think IVF success is only about the doctor. The truth is, it’s a team effort and the lab is a critical part of that. Not all labs are equal. The technology, environment, and expertise of the embryology team can have a big impact on IVF success rates. Patients should be empowered to ask questions about their fertility clinic including proximity of the operating theatre to the lab, clean room conditions, access to time-lapse technology, AI optimisation, and radio-frequency identity traceability. These are just a few of the features that should be standard of care when choosing a fertility clinic. During my presentation, I’ll talk about these fundamentals and what each one means.
While the lab is important, premium care should also recognise the patient experience, providing individualised care, a supportive and compassionate team, and clinicians that are transparent about fertility treatment options, results and costs. My talk is about giving people the tools to look past the glossy marketing and focus on these fundamentals.
How can people get in touch with you?
If you are considering fertility treatment and want to learn more about Thrive Fertility and your options, we would love to help. Visit our website or call (03) 9124 3896 to speak with our team. You can also follow us on Instagram @thrivefertility for updates, educational content, and behind-the-scenes insights from our lab.
Introducing CycleGuide: Your fertility treatment planning app
Dr Caroline Fiddler is a Doctor and the Founder of the CycleGuide app. At The Melbourne Fertility Expo, you’ll have the opportunity to meet Dr Fiddler and talk to her about how CycleGuide can help you with your fertility treatment planning.
Can you tell us about CycleGuide?
CycleGuide is an innovative, simple and intuitive app to help you organise your fertility treatment instructions.
It’s purpose-built with a pre-cycle checklist to help you prepare for your Day 1 and your IVF cycle (e.g. appointments, ultrasounds, medication). There are several helpful features, including:
• A calendar and a ‘to do list’, so you know exactly what you need to do for each day of your cycle.
• Colour-coded tasks for easy identification and visibility on the calendar.
• Notifications, which can be especially helpful with medication timing.
• Editing function so tasks can easily be deleted or edited (e.g. the duration of medication can be modified).
• Free text. Medication names and directions are entered by you, so that you can enter instructions in a manner that makes sense to you.
CycleGuide is also available for fertility clinics. You can simply enter your fertility instructions from your clinic, or the clinic can send instructions directly to the app on your phone.
Why develop CycleGuide?
I was convinced there had to be a better way to organise my fertility treatment instructions in a more modern, simple and portable manner. I also thought there should be a more direct method for fertility nurses to communicate vital, and sometimes complex, fertility treatment instructions to their patients.
What is CycleGuide’s mission?
There are so many unknowns during IVF. We want to help reduce the anxiety of IVF and help you be organised. CycleGuide helps you take ownership of the aspects of IVF you can control, e.g. following your treatment instructions correctly.
I also want to help fertility staff. As I doctor, I have often been frustrated by the inflexibility and clunkiness of hospital systems. CycleGuide can be integrated into existing clinic systems without the need for new software or upgrades. Treatment instructions can be sent directly from the clinic software to the app on patient’s phones without nurses having to re-enter information. This gives nurses certainty that patients have received the correct information in a timely manner.
Our aim is also to reduce delayed, incorrect or missed injections that may cause a cycle to be cancelled, or modified, leaving guilt or uncertainty for the patient, especially if the cycle is unsuccessful.
Can you share your journey to parenthood?
I never met Mr Right, and I moved around a lot due to medical rotations which is why I didn’t think about children until later on. I saw a fertility specialist when I was 38 to discuss egg freezing but I couldn’t face fertility preservation. In retrospect, it wasn’t explained to me properly. At 40, I saw another fertility doctor and started egg freezing. I asked a friend to donate sperm, and he very kindly agreed.
I had a growing concern however that my doctor wasn’t really invested in my results and that we were just doing the same, or similar protocols, with little direction. I changed fertility doctors to one recommended by a fertility psychologist and I have continued to see this doctor in Victoria. After 2.5 years of IVF, I am now fortunate to be the mother of my daughter Alice who is 20 months old.
I am now going through the process of egg donation from overseas because I have exhausted all of my frozen eggs and embryos. The use of overseas eggs is banned in Victoria, unlike the rest of Australia where it is legal. As such, my IVF team is liaising with a clinic in Albury, NSW.
What are the top things you wish people knew before starting IVF?
I wish all young women, especially those with demanding university degrees and careers, would consider freezing their eggs or visit a fertility doctor to discuss their fertility options.
Also, I encourage you to get a second opinion if you feel your doctor doesn’t have a plan for both short and longer term. It can be hard to tell why things aren’t working or are taking many months/cycles/years to work.
Finally, it can be very difficult to keep hearing pregnancy and birth announcements. There seem to be baby reminders everywhere. I just kept telling myself that I had started the process and to hang in there. It can be very tough though and I encourage you to chat to your fertility clinic for support.
What are you most looking forward to at the Melbourne Fertility Expo?
I’m really looking forward to meeting anyone considering fertility treatment and explaining how CycleGuide can help you with your fertility treatment planning. I’m also excited about being surrounded by enthusiastic fertility professionals and meeting my fellow exhibitors.
As the founder of CycleGuide, can you give us an overview of your role?
My role was to come up with the idea and to have the courage to pursue the app. I then collaborated with Appetiser Apps project managers and designers to create CycleGuide – Your fertility treatment planning app
I recall spreading all my IVF medications, paper instructions from various egg collections and embryo transfers (from different clinics and doctors), over a large table with Appetiser apps staff Jarrod, Sharon and Tovah. We met regularly to discuss the best way to design a simple, clear and flexible app.
For example, one key decision was whether to add a pre-populated list of IVF medications, with a drop-down list to choose from. But my concern was that medications change their name and branding, doctors have different preferences, and medications vary between countries. I liked the idea that patients could add their medications by a name or description that resonated with them. We decided to make it free text and free of medical lingo. Typing in the information also reinforces your treatment instructions to help you follow them correctly.
Where can people learn more about CycleGuide: Your fertility treatment planning app?
You can visit my website CycleGuide or follow us on Instragram @cycleguide ivf app. We’re also on Facebook, Pinterest and LinkedIn.
To download the app, visit CycleGuide: IVF Treatment Mobile App | Appetiser or the Apple store. It’s available in Australia and New Zealand: 7-day free trial, AUD $8.99/month and NZD $9.99/month. For clinics, there’s bulk discounts for 3, 6 and 12-month subscriptions per patient. CycleGuide is currently in progress for the UK, and our aim is to expand globally.
You can also contact me at caroline@cycleguide.com.au and contact@cycleguide.com.au
When a woman starts considering solo motherhood, it’s one of the most courageous and confronting decisions she’ll ever make. It’s not a backup plan, and it’s definitely not giving up on love. It’s choosing not to let time, circumstance, or the absence of a partner stand in the way of becoming a mum.
But while this path is empowering, it’s also filled with emotions that can be hard to put into words, especially in the early stages. That’s where her support network comes in.
Whether you’re a friend, family member, or colleague, here’s what women on this journey wish you knew:
1. She’s not “giving up”.
One of the most common misconceptions is that women are “giving up on love.” Nothing could be further from the truth.
She’s choosing to honour her biological timeline, her emotional wellbeing, and her desire for motherhood, without waiting for the perfect partner, or perfect moment. Even better, she isn’t rushing into a relationship just to have children, which might end up in co-parenting if she doesn’t take the time to ensure she has found the right person for her.
She’s not giving up; she’s stepping up.
If you want to support her, recognise the strength it takes to make this decision. A simple “I’m proud of you for doing what feels right for you” goes a long way.
2. Don’t say “just have a one-night stand”
This is one of the most common and insulting comments women hear when they open up about considering solo motherhood. It might be said jokingly, but it dismisses everything thoughtful, ethical, and deeply personal about this decision.
Suggesting she “just have a one-night stand” implies she should deceive a man into conceiving a baby – something no woman on this path would ever do. It’s not only unethical, but if she knowingly conceives with a man, he is the child’s father and therefore financially liable and legally entitled to custody, regardless of her intentions.
If she doesn’t know who the man is, that creates lifelong consequences for the child, who would grow up never able to access half of their genetic history or medical background.
Choosing to conceive using a donor is an act of responsibility, transparency, and love – for herself and her child. It ensures her child’s right to know where they come from one day and protects everyone involved legally and emotionally.
3. The early stages are the hardest.
The early stages of solo motherhood can be the loneliest. She might be processing grief for the life she imagined, fear about doing it alone, or anxiety about what others will think.
Don’t push for updates or ask how treatment is going – that pressure can feel enormous. Instead, make it clear that you’re there, judgment-free, whenever she’s ready to talk.
Try saying: “You don’t have to share anything before you’re ready. I won’t ask for updates, just know I’m here whenever you want to chat or a distraction.”
That small act of understanding can make her feel safe enough to keep going.
4. Don’t try to fix it.
Most women considering solo motherhood have already spent months (if not years) researching, questioning, and soul-searching. They don’t need advice; they need support.
What she needs are small, tangible gestures:
Drop off dinner during a treatment cycle.
Offer to pick her up from her egg collection.
Ask if she wants company for a scan or appointment.
She’ll tell you what she needs if she feels safe enough to do so, and offering ways you can help her will make it easier for her to ask.
5. Everyone needs a village.
When you become a solo mum, there’s no default co-parent. That’s why finding a like-minded community is so important — other women who get it, without explanation.
The right support network can make all the difference, and it doesn’t have to come from family alone. Online and in-person communities, like the Solo Mum Society Facebook Group, or the Bump membership, provide connection, laughter, support and reassurance that she’s not the only one walking this path.
Encourage her to find her village. Because when she connects with other solo mums, she discovers a world where she finally feels safe to express how she’s feeling without having to explain or justify it.
The bottom line
Solo motherhood isn’t a plan B — it’s a bold, beautiful choice to create life on your own terms.
If someone in your life is walking this path, the best thing you can do is stand beside her, listen without judgment, and remind her she’s not alone.
And if she hasn’t yet found her village, send her to Solo Mum Society — where empowered women become mothers, and mothers become unstoppable.
By Alisha Burns, Founder – Solo Mum Society
Website – www.solomumsociety.com
Instagram – @noneedforprincecharming
Facebook – Solo Mum Society
Podcast – No Need for Prince Charming
Why Simple Surrogacy Should Be Your First Step Toward Parenthood
Beginning a surrogacy journey is a deeply personal, life-changing decision. Whether you’ve struggled with infertility, are a same-sex couple, or are a single parent ready to grow your family, one of the most crucial choices you’ll make is selecting the right agency. With countless agencies and consultants online, it can feel overwhelming. What you truly need isn’t just a polished website—you need empathy, experience, and ethics. You need Simple Surrogacy.
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The Simple Difference: 23 Years of Insider Expertise
Founded in 2002, Simple Surrogacy is one of the most established agencies in the United States. For over 23 years, we’ve proudly helped thousands of Intended Parents achieve their dreams.
What makes us unique is our leadership: Simple Surrogacy is 100% privately owned by women who are former surrogates, egg donors, and Intended Parents. We’ve been where you are—navigating contracts, sitting in medical clinics, and experiencing the hopes and fears of this journey. That insider perspective allows us to provide professional expertise with true compassion.
Unlike agencies owned by private equity firms, we aren’t driven by investors. We answer only to our clients. Our commitment is rooted in ethics, transparency, and personal care—because surrogacy isn’t just a business to us, it’s a calling.
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Personalised Care Every Step of the Way
No two families are alike, so no two journeys should be. From your first consultation, we take the time to understand your values, lifestyle, and dreams. Whether you’re local, international, LGBTQ+, or pursuing surrogacy as a single parent, we tailor your experience to ensure it is smooth, supported, and successful.
Our matching process goes far beyond surface-level compatibility. We consider medical, psychological, legal, and emotional factors—and even personality alignment—to foster strong, lasting relationships between Intended Parents and surrogates.
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Ethical Screening and Strong Partnerships
A surrogacy agency’s responsibility is to ensure everyone is fully prepared for this life-changing commitment. At Simple Surrogacy, our surrogates undergo:
- Comprehensive background checks
- ASRM-guided medical screenings
- Licensed psychological evaluations
- In-depth interviews and lifestyle reviews
We also maintain partnerships with top fertility clinics, reproductive endocrinologists, and legal experts nationwide. With over two decades of established relationships, we can provide a seamless experience from beginning to end.
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Trust Earned Through Results
Our proudest achievement is the feedback from families we’ve helped create. Intended Parents consistently describe their experience as professional, compassionate, and life-changing. Many share their gratitude in glowing testimonials and are happy to speak directly with prospective clients.
As one family put it:
“From day one, Simple Surrogacy made us feel seen, heard, and respected. They guided us through every step with professionalism and warmth, and today, we are the proud parents of a beautiful baby boy.”
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Financial Transparency and Protection
Surrogacy is a significant financial investment, and you deserve clarity. We provide full, upfront breakdowns of all program costs—no hidden fees, no surprises. Funds are held in bonded and insured escrow accounts managed by professionals to ensure security and fairness. This protects your investment while allowing your surrogate to be compensated promptly and properly.
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Legal Expertise and Peace of Mind
Because surrogacy involves complex legal arrangements, we partner with some of the most respected attorneys in the country. From drafting Gestational Carrier Agreements to securing pre- or post-birth parentage orders, your legal team ensures protection and clarity at every step.
Our proactive, streamlined process minimizes stress and helps you navigate surrogacy-friendly states like Texas, California, and Illinois with confidence.
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Why Parents Choose Simple Surrogacy
- Insider Insight: Led by women who have personally lived surrogacy as surrogates, donors, or Intended Parents.
- 23 Years of Experience: Thousands of families built since 2002.
- All-Female Owned: Privately owned, not controlled by profit-driven investors.
- Compassionate Support: Coordinators are available 24/7 to guide and comfort you.
- Inclusive Services: Welcoming LGBTQ+ families, single parents, and international clients.
- Comprehensive Guidance: From matching through delivery, we’re by your side.
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The Simple Surrogacy Guarantee
At Simple Surrogacy, our clients are never just numbers. They are families with real hopes and emotions. When you choose us, you gain a team of advocates, supporters, and guides who are personally invested in your success.
We are proud to make surrogacy accessible, ethical, and filled with joy.
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Let’s Begin This Journey Together
Choosing a surrogacy agency is about more than credentials—it’s about trust, chemistry, and shared values. We invite you to schedule a consultation, ask questions, and discover why Simple Surrogacy is consistently rated among the most trusted agencies in the country.
Your family’s future begins with one conversation. Contact Simple Surrogacy today and take the first step toward building your family with confidence, compassion, and clarity.
