When you’re on a fertility journey, it can sometimes feel like a roller coaster of highs and lows or that you’ve handed over the steering wheel to doctors, clinics, and endless appointments. You’re told what tests you need, when to come in, and what the “next step” should be. But here’s the truth: this is your body, your journey, and your future family, so your voice matters too.
Advocating for yourself doesn’t mean being confrontational or disagreeing with medical advice. It means making sure you’re heard, informed, and involved in every decision about your care. And while that can feel intimidating in a medical system that often feels rushed or overwhelming at times, it’s one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself, so don’t be afraid to speak up.
Why Self Advocacy Matters in Your Fertility Journey
- Fertility is personal: No two journeys are the same, which means the standard “one-size-fits-all” approach doesn’t work.
- You deserve clarity: Medical jargon, rushed or brief explanations, and unexplained decisions can leave you feeling confused. Asking questions and seeking clarity is your right.
- You’re the constant in your journey: Doctors, nurses, and specialists may come and go, but you are the person experiencing this from start to finish.
Advocating for yourself ensures you feel more in control, less overwhelmed, and fully involved in your care.
Practical Ways to Advocate for Yourself
Learn About Your Body and Menstrual Cycle
This is empowering in itself, but understanding your body means you can speak to doctors, go to appointments armed with information and data that you can discuss in more detail. Tracking your cycle (and I don’t mean via an app, by all means you can use an app to enter your data but knowing how to identify patterns, problems and clues yourself is key) can help you know information like the length of your menstrual cycle, how long you bleed for, your follicular and luteal phase, likely day of ovulation, and document any unusual signs and symptoms that come up over the cycle.
Ask Questions (and Keep Asking Until It Makes Sense)
If you don’t understand a test, treatment, procedure or recommendation, ask:
- Why is this being recommended?
- Do we need this in order to conceive?
- What are the alternatives?
- What are the risks and benefits?
- How does this apply to my situation?
- And what will happen if we decide not to go ahead with this recommendation?
It’s okay to keep asking until you feel confident in the answer.
Bring a Support Person
Appointments can feel overwhelming and information-heavy. Bringing a partner, friend, or even a fertility nurse can help you feel supported and ensure nothing is missed and be able to debrief following the appointment to ensuring you have time to process and understand clearly what was discussed.
Keep Records
Maintain a folder (digital or physical) with test results, cycle notes, medications and treatment plans. Being organised not only helps you feel in control, but it also makes it easier to spot patterns or ask informed questions. You can also keep in the same place all your questions you wanted answered and add the answers as you go through your journey.
Know Your Rights
You have the right to:
Request further investigations (just be aware based on Medicare requirements, doctors need to have a reason to request testing, so if there is no clinical indication some doctors can may say no. But know that there are private providers eg places like i-screen that you can pay privately to have certain tests completed)
Ask for a second opinion
Decline treatments you don’t feel ready for
Access your medical records
Trust Your Instincts
You know your body best. If something doesn’t feel right, whether it’s a symptom being dismissed or a plan that doesn’t sit well, say something and speak up.
Control What You Can
Nutrition, movement, sleep, stress, gut health, endocrine disrupting chemicals are all things that you can action and take control of. Now you don’t need to be harsh on yourself and be perfect in all these areas. But focusing on key areas that could use some love and making small changes can go along way to reducing inflammation, helping your hormones function effectively and improving your fertility and chances of conception.
Find Your Team
Surround yourself with people or a team that lift you up and that you can talk to and vent to openly and honestly during this time. It could be friends, family, a community, doctor, counsellor, dietician, a fertility nurse (like me) or all of the above!
When Self-Advocacy Feels Hard
Many of my clients tell me they feel intimidated in medical settings or worry about “bothering” their doctor with questions. Please know: you are not a burden. You are a patient with the right to understand your care and make informed choices.
If speaking up feels difficult, try phrases like:
- “Can you explain that in simpler terms?”
- “I’d like to take some time to think before deciding.”
- “Can you give me more information regarding this to take home?”
These simple questions can shift the conversation and give you back your voice. Or if you want more time to consider your options, ask for information, documentation or research that you can take home, review and read in your own time.
Fertility journeys are often described as a rollercoaster, and while you can’t control every twist and turn, you can control how informed and empowered you feel along the way. Advocating for yourself isn’t about being difficult, it’s about making sure you’re an active participant in your care. And when you combine your voice with the right support, you’re no longer just a passenger, you’re back in the driver’s seat. And if you re considering having support with your own private fertility coach, know that it can give you 24/7 access to guidance, advocacy, and someone who knows how the system works. We can help you prepare questions, explain test results, and support you in making decisions that align with your goals and values. So keep My Fertility Nurse in mind.
Empowering Parenthood: Fertility Services That Reflect Modern Realities
In today’s evolving landscape of family building, fertility care is no longer a one-size-fits-all journey. Whether you’re navigating parenthood solo, with a partner, or as part of the LGBTQ+ community, Australia’s leading fertility providers are reshaping access, inclusivity, and empowerment. At the heart of this transformation is the City Fertility Network — a collective of specialised services designed to meet people where they are, with compassion, innovation, and choice.
City Fertility: Science Meets Sensitivity
City Fertility is one of Australia’s largest IVF and fertility service groups, with over 18 clinics nationwide and a reputation for clinical excellence. Their approach blends cutting-edge reproductive technology with personalised care, offering everything from fertility testing and IVF to donor programs and fertility preservation. With over 21,000 babies born through their services, City Fertility is more than a clinic — it’s a trusted partner in the path to parenthood.
What sets City Fertility apart is its commitment to accessibility. Patients can explore options like artificial insemination, ICSI, and genetic testing, while also receiving support from dietitians, counsellors, and complementary therapies. And for those seeking donor services, City Fertility’s partnerships with Addam and Eeve offer streamlined, secure access to sperm and egg donors.
Rainbow Fertility: Inclusive Care for LGBTQ+ Families
As Australia’s first dedicated fertility provider for the LGBTQ+ community, Rainbow Fertility is a beacon of inclusive care. Proudly part of the City Fertility Network, Rainbow Fertility offers tailored services such as reciprocal IVF, donor insemination, surrogacy, and fertility preservation for transgender and gender-diverse individuals.
Rainbow Fertility understands that family structures are diverse — and so are the paths to parenthood. Their clinics provide a safe, affirming space where patients can explore their options with specialists who respect their identities and dreams. From legal considerations to emotional support, Rainbow Fertility ensures that every step is informed, compassionate, and empowering.
Chill: Egg Freezing on Your Terms
For women who want to preserve their fertility without compromising their current life path, Chill is a game-changer. This dedicated egg freezing service, also part of the City Fertility Network, offers flexible, affordable programs designed for those pursuing careers, education, or simply waiting for the right time.
Chill uses advanced vitrification technology — pioneered by CHA Medical Group — to ensure high-quality preservation. With personalised treatment plans and transparent pricing, Chill makes it easier for women to invest in their reproductive future. Whether you’re single, in a relationship, or medically transitioning, Chill offers peace of mind and agency over your fertility timeline.
Addam: Sperm Donation Made Simple
Addam Donor Bank is Australia’s leading clinic-recruited sperm donor platform, offering a secure and user-friendly way to find the right donor. Through the Addam app, individuals and couples can filter donors by traits like height, eye colour, and ancestry, and access extended profiles with medical and family history.
What makes Addam unique is its commitment to safety and transparency. All donors undergo rigorous screening, counselling, and legal education, ensuring ethical and informed choices for recipients. With no waiting lists and a diverse donor pool, Addam empowers users to take control of their parenthood journey — privately and confidently.
Eeve: Egg Donation with Heart
Eeve Donor Bank complements Addam by offering Australia’s largest clinic-recruited egg donor database. Like Addam, Eeve provides a swipe-to-match experience via its app, allowing users to browse donor profiles from the comfort of home. With filters for physical traits and access to detailed medical histories, Eeve simplifies what was once a daunting process.
Eeve’s donors are thoroughly screened and counselled, and the service is designed to support all family types — including single parents, LGBTQ+ couples, and those facing medical infertility. With expert guidance and compassionate care, Eeve helps turn the dream of parenthood into a tangible, supported reality.
https://www.cityfertility.com.au/
When it comes to conception and IVF outcomes, conversations usually revolve around egg quality, sperm health, hormone levels, and uterine receptivity. But increasingly, science is pointing to another key player in reproductive success: the gut microbiome.
This community of trillions of microbes in your gut doesn’t just affect digestion – it influences hormones, immunity, metabolism, and even how well your body responds to fertility treatments.
If you’re trying to conceive naturally or through IVF, here’s why nurturing your gut may be one of the most powerful steps you can take.
The Gut–Hormone Connection
Your gut microbiome is a key regulator of hormonal balance – not just sex hormones like oestrogen and androgens, but also appetite hormones and even brain chemicals that shape mood and stress responses. All of these influence conception and IVF outcomes.
Oestrogen Metabolism: A specialised group of microbes, the estrobolome, produces enzymes that recycle oestrogen.
- Too much recycling → excess oestrogen, fuelling endometriosis, fibroids, and disrupted implantation.
- Too little recycling → inadequate oestrogen signalling, leaving the uterine lining underprepared for embryo attachment.
Androgens in PCOS: Individuals with PCOS often show microbiome disruption that is linked to insulin resistance, inflammation, excess androgens and anxiety. Restoring gut balance has been shown to lower circulating androgens and improve ovulatory cycles.
Appetite Hormones and Metabolic Health: The gut microbiome influences leptin and ghrelin, the hormones that regulate appetite and energy balance. Dysbiosis is linked with leptin resistance and disrupted hunger cues. High leptin concentrations may reduce the ovaries responsiveness to gonadotropins and have been shown to have a negative impact on IVF outcome.
Mood and Neurotransmitters: Through the gut–brain axis, microbes also shape mood by producing neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine, and GABA. Dysbiosis is linked with higher anxiety, depression, and altered stress responses.
For couples navigating fertility treatment, supporting the gut may help buffer the emotional toll of IVF and improve resilience.
Takeaway: A balanced gut equals balanced hormones – a foundation for conception and IVF success.
Inflammation, Implantation, and IVF Outcomes Inflammation is an essential process in the body and it is necessary for ovulation and implantation. When inflammation is chronic though it damages eggs, sperm, and the endometrium. We have spent a lot of time researching the processes of inflammation and oxidative stress and we love translating this knowledge into practice!
- Microbiome imbalances disrupt the protective intestinal barrier and allow bacterial fragments and toxins (like LPS) into the bloodstream, triggering chronic low-grade inflammation.
- High levels of systemic inflammation impact egg and sperm quality, and uterine receptivity. Increased inflammatory compounds are associated with lower fertilisation rates, poorer embryo quality, and reduced implantation success.
- A healthy gut microbiome is one of the body’s strongest regulators of the immune system. Beneficial microbes strengthen the gut barrier, train immune cells to respond appropriately, and produce short-chain fatty acids like butyrate, which calm inflammation.
Takeaway: By supporting gut diversity through diet and lifestyle, you can help keep inflammation under control supporting egg and sperm health, and creating a more receptive environment for conception and ongoing pregnancy.
Nutrient Absorption for Egg and Sperm Quality
Healthy eggs and sperm depend on nutrients like folate, vitamin D, zinc, iron, and omega-3s. Your microbiome plays a role in how well you absorb and activate them.
- Folate & B vitamins: Gut bacteria produce folate and influence methylation pathways critical for DNA integrity in eggs and sperm.
- Antioxidants: Microbes activate plant polyphenols (like those in berries and green tea), providing extra antioxidant protection against oxidative stress – a key driver of poor egg and sperm quality.
- Iron & zinc: Microbiome diversity improves mineral absorption, supporting ovulation and sperm motility.
Takeaway: A diverse gut ensures the nutrients you eat are bioavailable when your reproductive cells need them most.
Practical Ways to Nurture Your Gut Before IVF
1.Eat for diversity: Aim for 30+ plant foods per week – vegetables, legumes, nuts, seeds, herbs, and wholegrains. Each one feeds different microbes.
2.Prioritise prebiotics: Specialised fibres (like those found in Microbiome Essentials and Cacao Latte) directly fuel beneficial bacteria that make fertility-supporting compounds like butyrate.
3.Consider probiotics: Fermented foods (kefir, sauerkraut, miso) and clinically studied probiotic strains may rebalance the vaginal and gut microbiota. Probiotic supplements differ greatly in quality and efficacy, so it’s best to seek advice from an Accredited Dietitian before starting.
4.Balance protein: Include plant proteins (beans, lentils, quinoa, tofu) alongside lean animal sources to reduce inflammation and improve gut barrier function.
5.Limit endocrine disruptors: A healthy gut microbiome can reduce BPA and phthalate absorption, but lowering exposure (plastic bottles, food packaging) is equally key.
6.Lifestyle factors: Exercise, sleep, and stress management directly influence gut microbial composition and diversity.
Your Microbiome Matters
Your gut microbiome is more than a digestion aid – it is a fertility ally. By shaping hormone balance, reducing inflammation, enhancing nutrient absorption, and improving implantation, your gut microbes may hold the missing link to conception and IVF success.
If you’re preparing for IVF or trying to conceive, investing in your gut health could be the difference between another cycle and your long-awaited positive result.
Want Personalised Support?
If you’re preparing for conception or IVF, book a FREE 15-minute call with our team to discover how we can help optimise your gut for pregnancy success. You can also join us now in our Gut Health for IVF & Pregnancy Success to start today.
Investing in nurturing your gut microbiome is investing in your fertility.
Author: Dr Cecilia Kitic, PhD & Kirrily Tutt, APD
References
Bailey & Ayling, Sci Rep, 2018
Evans-Hoeker, et al., Fertil Steril, 2013.
Clark et al, 1995 Human Reprod
Cryan et al. (2019) Nat Rev Neurosci
Duval et al 2015 Fertil Steril
Gaskins et al. (2016) Hum Reprod
Liu et al. (2021) Front Immunol
Liu et al. (2022) Environ Int
Mena et al, 2019 Human Repro Update
Vulevic et al. (2015) Br J Nutr
Zheng et al. (2021) Cell Host Microbe
For couples going through IVF or preparing to welcome a baby, the focus is often on the immediate: embryo transfers, blood tests, scan dates, setting up the nursery, and preparing for birth. These are big, emotional milestones that deserve our full attention.
But there’s another kind of planning that often gets overlooked — and it’s one of the most important things you can do to support your relationship and protect your family’s future: planning your life together after the baby arrives.
We will be at the Fertility Expo this year to explore the practical and financial side of things — with a focus on how couples can use Binding Financial Agreements (BFAs) to create clarity and confidence in this new chapter.
Why Talk About Finances Now?
When you’re in the process of creating a family — especially through assisted reproduction — your heart is full. You’re dreaming about names, planning feeding routines, and imagining what your child will be like. But alongside all that joy, there can be quiet worries that creep in:
- Who will take parental leave?
- Will one of us stop working altogether?
- What happens to our finances if we’re living on one income?
- How will unpaid labour like feeding, nappies, and housework be valued?
- What if we disagree on how money should be spent or saved?
These are normal and valid concerns. But rather than avoiding them or assuming they’ll sort themselves out, it’s far better to talk about them now, while things are calm and cooperative.
Enter: The Binding Financial Agreement
In Australia, couples can enter into a Binding Financial Agreement (sometimes called a “pre-nup” or “post-nup”) to set out how their finances will be managed — both during the relationship and in the event of a separation.
While they’re often associated with wealth or divorce, BFAs can actually be a beautiful act of mutual care. They allow you to:
- Make sure both partners’ contributions (financial or otherwise) are acknowledged
- Clarify what happens to existing assets (like a house one partner owned before the relationship)
- Set expectations around income sharing, debt, and property
- Reduce the emotional and financial toll of future disputes
- Create a sense of stability, especially if one partner is stepping back from work to care for the child.
Far from being unromantic, many of our clients say that creating a BFA actually brought them closer together — because it forced them to have conversations they hadn’t thought to have yet.
Questions to Explore Together
Whether or not you decide to put a legal agreement in place, here are some questions every couple should talk about before or soon after the birth of a child:
- Parental Leave: Who will take leave, and for how long? What will that mean for our finances?
- Career & Income: Will one of us work less or pause our career? How will we share resources fairly?
- Household Roles: Who will take the lead on feeding, night shifts, cleaning, and admin?
- Financial Decisions: Do we have similar views on spending, saving, and budgeting?
- Future Planning: What if one of us is offered a job interstate? What if we separate down the track?
These aren’t easy questions — but they’re essential ones. And the earlier you start the conversation, the easier it becomes to navigate the changes that come with growing your family.
But What If It’s Awkward?
We get it. Talking about money or legal stuff when you’re in love — and possibly still adjusting to the idea of being parents — can feel awkward or unnecessary. You might worry that raising these topics will rock the boat or send the wrong message.
But here’s the truth: relationships are strongest when they’re built on trust, honesty, and shared understanding. You’re not “jinxing” your love by planning ahead. You’re protecting it.
Think of it like taking out insurance or drafting a will. You don’t plan to need it — but you’re glad to have it if things change. And in the meantime, it gives you peace of mind and confidence to move forward together.
Our Invitation to You
If you’re attending the Fertility Expo — or even if you’re just in the midst of planning your future family — we invite you to take a moment to pause and ask:
Have we talked about life after birth?
Have we explored how we’ll manage finances, care responsibilities, and future decisions as a team?
If the answer is no — that’s okay. You’re not behind. But now is the perfect time to start.
Because preparing for your baby is about more than cots and car seats. It’s about preparing your relationship, your future, and your family’s foundation — together.
What if I told you that half the people who start IVF never complete their planned treatment cycles? Most would guess the main reasons are cost, medical complications, or side effects. The reality is far more surprising and entirely preventable.
Psychology has now overtaken financial barriers as the #1 reason people discontinue IVF. In Australia, where we have public funding support, the psychological burden is literally heavier than the financial load. 47.5% of patients report being “too stressed to continue,” while 76% of women experience clinical-level anxiety symptoms during treatment.
When Sarah walked into her first IVF consultation, she thought her biggest challenge would be the medical procedures. By her second cycle, she was having panic attacks in the car before appointments and dissociating during internal scans. By the time she was meant to start her third cycle, Sarah cancelled, telling me: “I can’t handle feeling this broken anymore.”
Sarah wasn’t weak. She was having a completely normal psychological response to abnormal levels of stress. More importantly, her distress was entirely treatable.
The Perfect Storm: Why IVF Overwhelms Even Strong Coping Skills
Our research reveals that 90% of patients show patterns of thinking, processing, and responding that they hadn’t recognised before – patterns that significantly impact how they experience fertility treatment. These aren’t people with diagnosed conditions – they’re individuals whose successful life strategies become insufficient when facing IVF’s extraordinary demands.
IVF creates a “perfect storm”: daily hormone injections requiring precise timing, frequent blood draws and ultrasounds in bright, noisy medical environments, complex medication protocols, and the emotional rollercoaster of hope and disappointment often repeated across multiple cycles.
For someone who has unknowingly developed workarounds for sensory sensitivities or information processing differences, IVF can feel completely overwhelming. What looks like “being difficult” may actually be sensory overwhelm. What seems like “non-compliance” may be executive functioning challenges with complex protocols.
The Trauma Connection
With approximately 70% of people having encountered trauma at some point in their lives, many entering fertility treatment carry pre-existing vulnerabilities that medical environments can trigger. Medical trauma can develop from invasive procedures, loss of control, feeling dismissed by healthcare providers, or experiencing your body as unreliable when treatments fail.
The intersection is significant: chronic stress affects hormone profiles and treatment response. Elevated cortisol levels can impact egg quality and implantation success. Recent research shows that women with lower stress levels before egg collection had significantly higher pregnancy rates – meaning emotional wellbeing directly affects treatment outcomes.
Prevention AND Intervention: A New Model of Care
Rather than waiting for crisis to develop, the Hope Affirm Thrive program provides both preventive support and targeted intervention. Every participant receives evidence-based accommodations as standard practice: visual medication schedules, written summaries of verbal instructions, sensory comfort strategies, and preparation scripts for medical procedures.
For those needing deeper intervention, we integrate trauma-informed approaches including EMDR protocols specifically adapted for fertility populations, combined with nervous system regulation techniques.
Practical Tools You Can Use Today
Whether you need prevention or intervention, there are specific techniques that can transform your fertility treatment experience:
The 4-4-8 Reset Breath for immediate nervous system calming – inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 8. Use this before appointments or anytime anxiety peaks.
5-4-3-2-1 grounding anchors you in the present moment when panic strikes: identify 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste (sour gummies make for the perfect nervous system disrupter!).
Know When You Need More Support
These tools work well for general fertility stress and mild-to-moderate anxiety. Seek professional support if you’re experiencing frequent panic attacks, avoiding necessary medical care, or if past trauma is being triggered by medical procedures. Needing additional support isn’t failure – it’s wisdom.
Sarah’s Different Ending
Sarah accessed trauma-informed support that identified her distress wasn’t just “IVF anxiety” – it was medical trauma from painful procedures and childhood experiences of feeling powerless in medical settings.
Sarah learned nervous system regulation techniques she could use before, during, and after procedures. We used EMDR to process specific trauma memories being triggered by fertility treatment. She developed self-advocacy skills and connected with others going through similar experiences.
Sarah completed her treatment feeling confident and calm. She said, “I finally felt like an active participant in my care instead of something being done to me.”
Looking Forward: Prevention as Essential Healthcare
At Melbourne Fertility Expo 2025, I’ll be sharing specific tools you can use immediately to manage fertility treatment stress, along with evidence about how early psychological support prevents treatment discontinuation and improves outcomes.
My main talk, “Why 50% of IVF Patients Stop Treatment – And How Emotional Readiness Can Change Everything,” reveals the research behind treatment discontinuation and provides a framework for assessing your psychological readiness. The hands-on workshop, “Your Emotional Toolkit,” teaches four practical nervous system regulation techniques you can use immediately.
That 50% discontinuation rate is largely preventable with the right support at the right time. Don’t let psychology be the reason you stop treatment. It doesn’t have to be.
Elizabeth Bancroft will be speaking at Melbourne Fertility Expo 2025, sharing insights from the Hope Affirm Thrive program and teaching practical techniques for managing fertility treatment stress. Her sessions provide evidence-based tools for both preventing psychological distress and addressing it when it occurs, helping patients complete their treatment with confidence.
About the Author:
Elizabeth (Liz) Bancroft is an AHPRA-registered Clinical and Counselling Psychologist with over 14 years of experience supporting individuals through complex trauma, infertility, and neurodiverse mental health needs. She is the founder of Hope Affirm Thrive, an evidence-based support program designed to help women navigate the emotional challenges of IVF.
Support Your IVF Journey:
If you’re navigating fertility treatment and need emotional support, visit www.hopeaffirmthrive.com.au to learn more about the Roadmap Through IVF program—a comprehensive online 8-week program offering trauma-informed, neurodiversity-affirming support for every stage of your fertility journey.
Free Resources – Start Here:
Contemplating Treatment?
Starting Your Journey?
- Evidence-Based Strategies Webinar ($29) – A low-cost webinar covering stress management, emotion regulation, advocacy tips, and building resilience for your IVF journey. Access here – https://hopeaffirmthrive.com.au/webinar-evergreen
- IVF Mental Health Survival Kit – Evidence-based tools, advocacy scripts, and grounding techniques to help you stay steady through every stage of treatment. Download here https://hopeaffirmthrive.com.au/guide
