IVF is often spoken about in medical terms protocols, embryos, transfers, statistics and doesn’t mention the emotional resilience which may be called upon during your IVF journey.
Behind every scan and every blood test is a human heart, carrying the weight of uncertainty, hope, grief, and longing.
Research shows that fertility treatment significantly increases stress, anxiety, and depression, with many women reporting higher emotional distress than in almost any other medical treatment.
That’s why resilience isn’t just a nice idea during IVF. It’s a survival skill. Resilience doesn’t mean forcing positivity or pretending everything is fine. True resilience is about having tools to return to when the rollercoaster feels overwhelming, so you can steady yourself and keep moving forward.
Why I Do This Work
I’m Adele O’Connor, a psychotherapist, clinical hypnotherapist, fertility coach, and podcast host. More importantly, I’ve walked the path of IVF and donor conception myself.
When I was going through treatment, I couldn’t find the emotional support I needed. The medical care was there, but the psychological toll felt invisible. That gap inspired me to retrain and create the kind of support I once longed for. Today, I combine evidence based counselling, hypnotherapy, and mind body practices to help women and families feel steadier, stronger, and more supported.
Clients often describe me as a steady light on a difficult path someone who brings clarity, compassion, and perspective when everything feels overwhelming.
1. Coping with Uncertainty
If there’s one word that defines IVF, it’s uncertainty. Waiting for fertilisation results, embryo grading, or pregnancy tests can feel endless. Research shows uncertainty is one of the biggest drivers of anxiety because the brain craves prediction and control.
Quick tool: Try the 3, 3, 3 grounding rule.
Name 3 things you can see, 3 sounds you can hear, and move 3 parts of your body.
This simple reset pulls your mind out of “what if” and into “what is.”
2. Managing Anxious Thoughts
IVF can amplify the inner critic: What if my body lets me down? What if I never become a parent? Left unchecked, these thoughts spiral.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) shows that writing down anxious thoughts and testing them against evidence helps break the cycle.
Quick tool: Write your thought, list the evidence against it, then create a balanced reframe. For example:
Thought: “If this transfer fails, I’m never going to get pregnant.”
Evidence against: “Many women need more than one transfer before success.”
Reframe: “This is one step, not my whole story.”
3. Reframing Setbacks
A failed cycle or cancelled transfer is devastating. But how you interpret that setback shapes your ability to keep going.
Neuro linguistic Programming (NLP) highlights the power of reframing: changing the meaning you give to an event shifts your emotional response.
Quick tool: Ask yourself: What’s the learning here? How might this experience help me adjust next time? This doesn’t erase grief, but it creates meaning alongside it.
4. Regulating Your Emotions
When the nervous system is on constant high alert, the body suffers. Sleep is disrupted, hormones are affected, and stress compounds.
Mind body practices like EFT tapping and breathwork have been shown to lower cortisol and reduce anxiety.
Quick tool: Place one hand on your heart, one on your stomach. Inhale for 4, hold for 2, exhale for 6. Repeat 5 times. This simple reset calms your body and helps you feel safer in the moment.
5. Self Compassion and Support
Many people in IVF pride themselves on being strong and independent. But isolation often makes the journey harder. Research shows self compassion is linked to lower anxiety and depression, especially during times of high stress.
Quick tool: Notice your self talk. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself. Replace “I’m failing at this” with “This is hard, and I’m doing my best.”
Support also matters. Counselling, peer groups, or even a trusted friend can make the load feel lighter.
Final Thoughts
Resilience during IVF doesn’t mean never crying, never doubting, or always staying upbeat. It means having tools to return to when things feel hard, so you can keep moving forward with steadiness and self compassion.
If you’re attending the Melbourne Fertility Expo on 8 November, come and connect with me.
I’ll be sharing more about how to build your own IVF Resilience Toolkit and offering practical strategies to help you navigate the emotional toll of treatment.
Free Resource: The Emotional Truth of IVF
If this blog resonated with you, I’ve created a free guide: The Emotional Truth of IVF, What nobody tells you about the thoughts and feelings you may face, and how to navigate them with more steadiness and self compassion.
Inside, you’ll find five journal prompts to help you calm your mind, process difficult emotions, and feel more supported. It’s the resource I wish I had during my own IVF journey, and I’d love to share it with you.
Head to my website www.ivfsupportspace.com to get your free download
