When you’re on a fertility journey, it can sometimes feel like a roller coaster of highs and lows or that you’ve handed over the steering wheel to doctors, clinics, and endless appointments. You’re told what tests you need, when to come in, and what the “next step” should be. But here’s the truth: this is your body, your journey, and your future family, so your voice matters too.
Advocating for yourself doesn’t mean being confrontational or disagreeing with medical advice. It means making sure you’re heard, informed, and involved in every decision about your care. And while that can feel intimidating in a medical system that often feels rushed or overwhelming at times, it’s one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself, so don’t be afraid to speak up.
Why Self Advocacy Matters in Your Fertility Journey
- Fertility is personal: No two journeys are the same, which means the standard “one-size-fits-all” approach doesn’t work.
- You deserve clarity: Medical jargon, rushed or brief explanations, and unexplained decisions can leave you feeling confused. Asking questions and seeking clarity is your right.
- You’re the constant in your journey: Doctors, nurses, and specialists may come and go, but you are the person experiencing this from start to finish.
Advocating for yourself ensures you feel more in control, less overwhelmed, and fully involved in your care.
Practical Ways to Advocate for Yourself
Learn About Your Body and Menstrual Cycle
This is empowering in itself, but understanding your body means you can speak to doctors, go to appointments armed with information and data that you can discuss in more detail. Tracking your cycle (and I don’t mean via an app, by all means you can use an app to enter your data but knowing how to identify patterns, problems and clues yourself is key) can help you know information like the length of your menstrual cycle, how long you bleed for, your follicular and luteal phase, likely day of ovulation, and document any unusual signs and symptoms that come up over the cycle.
Ask Questions (and Keep Asking Until It Makes Sense)
If you don’t understand a test, treatment, procedure or recommendation, ask:
- Why is this being recommended?
- Do we need this in order to conceive?
- What are the alternatives?
- What are the risks and benefits?
- How does this apply to my situation?
- And what will happen if we decide not to go ahead with this recommendation?
It’s okay to keep asking until you feel confident in the answer.
Bring a Support Person
Appointments can feel overwhelming and information-heavy. Bringing a partner, friend, or even a fertility nurse can help you feel supported and ensure nothing is missed and be able to debrief following the appointment to ensuring you have time to process and understand clearly what was discussed.
Keep Records
Maintain a folder (digital or physical) with test results, cycle notes, medications and treatment plans. Being organised not only helps you feel in control, but it also makes it easier to spot patterns or ask informed questions. You can also keep in the same place all your questions you wanted answered and add the answers as you go through your journey.
Know Your Rights
You have the right to:
Request further investigations (just be aware based on Medicare requirements, doctors need to have a reason to request testing, so if there is no clinical indication some doctors can may say no. But know that there are private providers eg places like i-screen that you can pay privately to have certain tests completed)
Ask for a second opinion
Decline treatments you don’t feel ready for
Access your medical records
Trust Your Instincts
You know your body best. If something doesn’t feel right, whether it’s a symptom being dismissed or a plan that doesn’t sit well, say something and speak up.
Control What You Can
Nutrition, movement, sleep, stress, gut health, endocrine disrupting chemicals are all things that you can action and take control of. Now you don’t need to be harsh on yourself and be perfect in all these areas. But focusing on key areas that could use some love and making small changes can go along way to reducing inflammation, helping your hormones function effectively and improving your fertility and chances of conception.
Find Your Team
Surround yourself with people or a team that lift you up and that you can talk to and vent to openly and honestly during this time. It could be friends, family, a community, doctor, counsellor, dietician, a fertility nurse (like me) or all of the above!
When Self-Advocacy Feels Hard
Many of my clients tell me they feel intimidated in medical settings or worry about “bothering” their doctor with questions. Please know: you are not a burden. You are a patient with the right to understand your care and make informed choices.
If speaking up feels difficult, try phrases like:
- “Can you explain that in simpler terms?”
- “I’d like to take some time to think before deciding.”
- “Can you give me more information regarding this to take home?”
These simple questions can shift the conversation and give you back your voice. Or if you want more time to consider your options, ask for information, documentation or research that you can take home, review and read in your own time.
Fertility journeys are often described as a rollercoaster, and while you can’t control every twist and turn, you can control how informed and empowered you feel along the way. Advocating for yourself isn’t about being difficult, it’s about making sure you’re an active participant in your care. And when you combine your voice with the right support, you’re no longer just a passenger, you’re back in the driver’s seat. And if you re considering having support with your own private fertility coach, know that it can give you 24/7 access to guidance, advocacy, and someone who knows how the system works. We can help you prepare questions, explain test results, and support you in making decisions that align with your goals and values. So keep My Fertility Nurse in mind.
