When a woman starts considering solo motherhood, it’s one of the most courageous and confronting decisions she’ll ever make. It’s not a backup plan, and it’s definitely not giving up on love. It’s choosing not to let time, circumstance, or the absence of a partner stand in the way of becoming a mum.
But while this path is empowering, it’s also filled with emotions that can be hard to put into words, especially in the early stages. That’s where her support network comes in.
Whether you’re a friend, family member, or colleague, here’s what women on this journey wish you knew:
1. She’s not “giving up”.
One of the most common misconceptions is that women are “giving up on love.” Nothing could be further from the truth.
She’s choosing to honour her biological timeline, her emotional wellbeing, and her desire for motherhood, without waiting for the perfect partner, or perfect moment. Even better, she isn’t rushing into a relationship just to have children, which might end up in co-parenting if she doesn’t take the time to ensure she has found the right person for her.
She’s not giving up; she’s stepping up.
If you want to support her, recognise the strength it takes to make this decision. A simple “I’m proud of you for doing what feels right for you” goes a long way.
2. Don’t say “just have a one-night stand”
This is one of the most common and insulting comments women hear when they open up about considering solo motherhood. It might be said jokingly, but it dismisses everything thoughtful, ethical, and deeply personal about this decision.
Suggesting she “just have a one-night stand” implies she should deceive a man into conceiving a baby – something no woman on this path would ever do. It’s not only unethical, but if she knowingly conceives with a man, he is the child’s father and therefore financially liable and legally entitled to custody, regardless of her intentions.
If she doesn’t know who the man is, that creates lifelong consequences for the child, who would grow up never able to access half of their genetic history or medical background.
Choosing to conceive using a donor is an act of responsibility, transparency, and love – for herself and her child. It ensures her child’s right to know where they come from one day and protects everyone involved legally and emotionally.
3. The early stages are the hardest.
The early stages of solo motherhood can be the loneliest. She might be processing grief for the life she imagined, fear about doing it alone, or anxiety about what others will think.
Don’t push for updates or ask how treatment is going – that pressure can feel enormous. Instead, make it clear that you’re there, judgment-free, whenever she’s ready to talk.
Try saying: “You don’t have to share anything before you’re ready. I won’t ask for updates, just know I’m here whenever you want to chat or a distraction.”
That small act of understanding can make her feel safe enough to keep going.
4. Don’t try to fix it.
Most women considering solo motherhood have already spent months (if not years) researching, questioning, and soul-searching. They don’t need advice; they need support.
What she needs are small, tangible gestures:
Drop off dinner during a treatment cycle.
Offer to pick her up from her egg collection.
Ask if she wants company for a scan or appointment.
She’ll tell you what she needs if she feels safe enough to do so, and offering ways you can help her will make it easier for her to ask.
5. Everyone needs a village.
When you become a solo mum, there’s no default co-parent. That’s why finding a like-minded community is so important — other women who get it, without explanation.
The right support network can make all the difference, and it doesn’t have to come from family alone. Online and in-person communities, like the Solo Mum Society Facebook Group, or the Bump membership, provide connection, laughter, support and reassurance that she’s not the only one walking this path.
Encourage her to find her village. Because when she connects with other solo mums, she discovers a world where she finally feels safe to express how she’s feeling without having to explain or justify it.
The bottom line
Solo motherhood isn’t a plan B — it’s a bold, beautiful choice to create life on your own terms.
If someone in your life is walking this path, the best thing you can do is stand beside her, listen without judgment, and remind her she’s not alone.
And if she hasn’t yet found her village, send her to Solo Mum Society — where empowered women become mothers, and mothers become unstoppable.
By Alisha Burns, Founder – Solo Mum Society
Website – www.solomumsociety.com
Instagram – @noneedforprincecharming
Facebook – Solo Mum Society
Podcast – No Need for Prince Charming
